Impulse Control

As one learns how to refocus one’s thoughts, one prevents overwhelming states of emotion from triggering impulsive behaviors and angry reactions. As one develops strong impulse control they are learning a form of ego discipline through applied patience. If we check in and find that we do not like what we may be feeling, we can learn better the reasons for that by further shifting into the observer mode. In our community, we call that process of observing as shifting from identifying with a thought or feeling by moving ourselves into the compassionate witness. As a Compassionate Witness we have no judgment of thoughts or feelings, we hold no judgment of what we are observing in the external, we only observe those thoughts and feelings in our self and others. When we can fully observe through our own Compassionate Witness, we then become neutral and centered. Then, we can immediately find relief from our inner anxiety, fears and a host of other thought distortions. This process is key to shifting ego defense mechanisms, thought addiction tendency and releasing the anxiety or fear of feeling emotional depth or pain. By continually using an ego defense mechanism to avoid facing the source causation of the anxiety or deeply rooted fear, (which is unresolved pain or trauma) we are only perpetuating the mental looping which uses denial of the truth in order to avoid feeling pain or discomfort. Denial of the truth is the seed of all Ego Defense Mechanisms.


 * Confirmation bias: is the strong human tendency to dismiss or distort evidence or facts that are contrary to our acceptable beliefs and readily seek out any kind of evidence that supports our views.


 * Denial: putting up a thought barrier and arguing against an anxiety-provoking stimuli by stating it doesn't exist. Refusing to perceive the more unpleasant aspects of the external reality.


 * Displacement: taking out any impulsive behavior on a less threatening target. The mind redirects difficult or painful emotions from a ‘dangerous’ object to a ‘safe’ object. When we are impulsive to others in this way we treat them as a whipping post for our painful emotions.


 * Intellectualization: avoiding unacceptable emotions or depth of intimacy by focusing on their intellectual aspects. Concentrating on the intellectual components of the situation to distance yourself from the anxiety-provoking emotions associated with these situations.
 * Projection: moving unacceptable impulses in yourself onto someone else. Attributing to others your own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts or emotions. Sometimes if another makes us feel uncomfortable we will blame them for our own discomfort.


 * Rationalization: supplying a logical or rational reason to make excuses that are opposed to the real authentic reason. Constructing a logical justification for a decision that was originally arrived at through a different mental process or fuzzy logic.


 * Reaction formation: taking the opposite belief because the true belief causes anxiety or discomfort.


 * Regression: returning to a previous stage of development. Reverting to an earlier stage of development in the face of unacceptable impulses or emotional pain.


 * Repression: pushing thoughts into the unconscious through setting up walls and preventing painful or dangerous thoughts from entering the conscious mind. Sublimation: acting out unacceptable impulses and destructive behaviors (such as addictions) in a socially acceptable way.


 * Sarcastic Humor: refocusing attention or inquiry on the comical side of the situation to relieve negative tension; similar to comic relief. Sometimes sarcasm is used to appear as humor when it is meant to belittle a person or being used as a put down to refuse to deal with the facts at hand.


 * Splitting: Splitting is a very common ego defense mechanism. It can be defined as the division or polarization of beliefs, actions, objects, or persons into good and bad by focusing selectively through ones own confirmation bias, on their positive or negative attributes.

Being OK and knowing that things are OK around you is the beginning of returning to the neutral state of the Observer Point. When we return to everything is okay, I am OK, it corresponds to a person who is relaxed and not feeling fear or anxiety. Learning how to free the mind of primal thinking by learning how to refocus back into neutral and compassionate witnessing, is the direct key to the continual expansion of consciousness and achieving mental and emotional freedom. Practicing the Relationship Mastery Guidelines skill set in our every day life is very helpful as a replacement guide to dismantle Ego Defense Mechanisms.