Splitting Behaviors
Splitting Behaviors is a very common Ego Defense Mechanism that results in a lack of coherence or fragmentation. Splitting (also called black and white thinking or all-or-nothing thinking), is the failure in a person's thinking to bring together the dichotomy of both positive and negative qualities of the self and others into a cohesive realistic whole. Usually one small piece of the overall picture is focused upon, while ignoring other details that the person is not willing to look at. It can be defined as the division or polarization of beliefs, actions, objects, or persons into good and bad by focusing selectively on the judgments or perceptions of positive or negative attributes. Splitting is a coping mechanism which diffuses the internal anxiety that arises from our inability to grasp the subtleties and complexities of a given situation or state of affairs. The situation is broken down into smaller parts in order to simplify and organize the situation in such way that makes it easier to think about, and to rationalize the way we think. Splitting also reinforces our sense of self as good and virtuous by effectively demonizing all those who do not share in our same opinions and values. Through the course of growing up from childhood into adulthood, we develop coping skills of labeling people, places or objects in the environment as acceptable or not acceptable, according to our belief systems. Ego defenses are similar to mental racketeering programs commonly used as coping mechanisms for reducing day-to-day anxiety, fears, and obsessions, which are related to thought addiction or the need to control the environment. When we are addicted to our thoughts, we have lost balance with our feelings and sensory abilities. These allow us to be fully present in the moment and to be in receptive mode, in order to better discern the environment and its energies.
Such a narrow compartmentalization of opposing energies leaves the person using splitting behaviors with a distinctly distorted picture of reality, which is limited within a small and restricted range of thoughts and emotions. It also affects that person’s ability to attract and maintain relationships, not only because splitting is exasperating and draining, but also because it can easily flip at any moment. One day, friends and lovers are being thought of as personified virtue, and then when something displeases them, they may suddenly think that same person is evil or bad (this is flipping back and forth).
As we learn how to refocus our thoughts, we can prevent overwhelming states of emotion from triggering impulsive behaviors and angry reactions, expressed as Splitting Behaviors. As we develop strong impulse control, we are learning a form of ego discipline through applied patience and diligence. If we check in and find that we do not like what we are feeling, we can better understand the reasons for that, by further shifting into the observer mode. We call the process of shifting from identifying with a thought or feeling, into neutrally observing it, the observer mode. This requires moving ourselves into the compassionate witness. As a Compassionate Witness we have no judgment of thoughts or feelings, we hold no judgment of what we are observing in the external, we only observe those thoughts and feelings in our self and others. When we can fully observe through our own Compassionate Witness, we then have the possibility of becoming neutral and centered. Then, we can find relief from our inner anxiety, fears and a host of other thought distortions. This process is key to shifting ego defense mechanisms, thought addiction tendencies, and releasing the anxiety or fear of feeling the emotional depth or pain that contributes to Splitting Behaviors. By continually using an Ego Defense Mechanism to avoid facing the source causation of the anxiety or deeply rooted fear, (which is unresolved pain or trauma) we are only perpetuating the mental looping, which uses denial of the truth in order to avoid feeling pain or discomfort. Denial of accurate accounts of the truth is the seed of all ego defense mechanisms that stunt our continuing path of emotional and spiritual development.[1]