Healing Fears of Intimacy

From Ascension Glossary

All of us as human beings have a fundamental need to experience deep energetic connections with other human beings as a part of the collective race. Most human beings desire to form emotional bonds that evolve into the capacity to experience deep levels of shared intimacy. We all would like to feel deep and intimate connections with others, with a special someone, in order to be seen, acknowledged at the profound and innermost levels of our inner spirit. All of us truly long for the ability to be seen for who we really are and share our deepest truth which resides inside us as the reflection of our inner spirit. These spiritual reflections are most intensely experienced in our Ascension path when we encounter soul family and monadic mates. We all long for a variety of these levels of spiritual and deeper connection which form from the capability we have developed to be fearless with sharing intimacy. This all stems from the deeper motivation of spiritual purpose inherent within humanity. The inner spirit desires its highest expression to be realized in human form, thus, to be recognized in its true meaning. Our personal evolution is to journey to find sacred union with God, through sacred union within the self, thus experiencing Sacred Union with others. This is intrinsic to consciousness Awakening and spiritual Ascension.

Sharing Intimacy requires emotional openness and vulnerability to which many people are deeply afraid to be put in a position where they feel they may be hurt, betrayed, rejected and abandoned by others. These fears of intimacy not only exist with intimate relationship partners, but are the causal source of communication blocks between family and friends, and a variety of social circles. We fear to be rejected in society from being judged inadequate or rejected from a sense of belonging. These fears exacerbate Victim-Victimizer cycles of shutting down the heart and closing off emotional vulnerability which blocks all forms of sharing intimacy. When our inner child feels hurt and devastated, one may fall into the drama of archetypes of victim. As a victim we are in pain, we may feel unlovable or rejected by others. When we are a victimizer it is the same, the pain we hold onto makes sure we close off any real emotional vulnerability or intimacy to protect ourselves from caring too deeply about others. In the victimizer roles, people are reckless with words and careless with feelings, creating a mask to prove we really do not care if another person hurts our feelings, so we make sure that we hurt them before they can hurt us.

All of these fears of intimacy are what completely shut down the emotional capability to experience deeper forms of intimacy and connection. So until we heal fears of intimacy, we will not experience deep intimate bonds with knowing our self or knowing others. This stunts our emotional growth as well as our spiritual growth.

Know Thyself Intimately

Most of the pain and suffering on the earth today, is from not knowing the true self intimately and therefore not being capable to form bonds of connection and thus know others intimately. When we do not know ourselves or others intimately, it is easy to be deceived and disillusioned which places us in positions with others that play out patterns of betrayal/abandonment. Without learning how to experience feelings of intimacy one cannot form deeper bonds of true compassion, loving kindness and intimate sharing with others. Until one is able to truly recognize the inner self from cultivating a deeply intimate understanding of every part of your body, mind, beliefs and emotions, it is even harder to share true soul baring intimacy with others. Most people do not understand true intimacy nor understand how to cultivate forms of experiencing deep intimacy with others. Intimacy requires deep connection, deep emotion and deep expression.

Intimacy is defined generally as only related to the behaviors of sexual play that partners or lovers share. Even though sexuality is intimate, many people do not treat it that way, nor treat their partner with a true connected bond of intimacy. This is a big conflict between the masculine and feminine roles, as many people have sex together with little to no shared intimacy. Bumping genitals together does not make intimacy. This lack of intimate connection in sexuality drives longing, cravings and addictions which drive sexual vampirism. Many people think the longing sensation means that having sex with even more people will help to create the connection they desire which will lead to satisfaction. Most people find that the more people you have sex with thinking that it is the source of intimacy or connection, only makes the energetic emptiness even worse, as it drives wedges of separation and vampirism even further into the heart and soul. Further, others may relate to the sexual act as any casual activity, like playing tennis. Both of these regular behaviors with unethical sexual attitudes only generate emptiness of heart and bankruptcy of the soul.

Intimacy is formed and experienced in a variety of ways, that should be dealt with respectfully and with great care for the heart and the inner child in the body. Most of the time, when fears of intimacy exist which creates hidden emotional walls and blocks, it is the inner child that has put up those walls. To heal as a person, to heal as an ascending human being, it requires that we address fears of our own intimacy, the fear of being intimate with ourselves, and the deeply intense fear many have to be intimate with other people, no matter what kind of social setting it may be.

When we do not know who we are, when we lack self-awareness we also lack the level of intimacy that is required to go deeper inside ourselves when we are willing to see what is really buried in there. When we put everything on the altar of our heart before God, this is a tremendous action of trust to find our deeper intimacy. It is very important to learn what intimacy is, and to reach deeper goals of learning how to express vulnerability with others in order to develop deeper connections within the self. This allows a greater probability and increased capacity to have these bonds of intimacy with a significant partner or close friend. The combination of not having proper trust discernment skills, and fear of intimacy can be the source of a great many problems in many kinds of relationships. One must be discerning to not place trust in untrustworthy people, and yet be emotionally open and willing to go past internal fears of intimacy. This is required to heal the inner child and to find true unconditionally loving, compassionate bonds of connection in every way.

Ascension is 99% Emotional healing

On the Ascension pathway, the process of consciousness expansion and human development is 99% emotional healing. This requires we become aware of the hidden contents of our heart and emotions, and be able to reach levels of clarity in our own internal workings in order to go beyond fears of intimacy to truly know the self. One cannot know the self without being deeply probing and intimate. There can be no topic that is taboo, no topic unacceptable or too intense, one must find the strength to look at it all in order to find true accurate assessment. This also means that we must look at darkness and many things that disturb us. It is the only path to the truth is to see what is actually in front of you with total honesty. The Ascension pathway is extremely intimate, and this is important to highlight as a part of the consciousness expanding path. Ascension requires a deep trust to go within and truly look at our insides, where we have been hurt, what pain we hold onto and what fears create bias or distortion in our thought-forms.

The most important and best path to increase shared intimacy with your partner and in other relationships, is to become more intimate with yourself. The only way to stop projecting assumptions upon others is being intimate with feelings, opening compassionate communication and allowing the way to lead into healing painful emotions. When we are not being intimate with ourselves, we often see the problem as out there in the other person, yet, this is a reflection of our inside experience. It may appear and feel that the other person is the problem. To attract the alignment of intimate connections with others, first we must build these intimate forms of communicating with ourselves. As we build intimacy we start to feel more comfortable with expressing emotions honestly and this helps us to form deeper bonds in many different ways.

Levels of Intimacy

In seeking to develop more intimate caring relationships, it can be useful to explicitly differentiate sexual intimacy from other forms of intimacy. The following list identifies a number of opportunities for enhancing intimacy and connection in relationships:

• Emotional Intimacy – the ability to share a wide range of both positive and negative feelings without fear of judgment or rejection. Unconditional Love.

• Physical Intimacy – the delight in being sensual, playful, and sensitive in sexual intimacy and physical forms of affection that is joyful and fulfilling for both partners.

• Intellectual Intimacy – sharing ideas or talking about issues or even hotly debating opinions and still respecting each other’s beliefs and views. Listening.

• Spiritual Intimacy – discussing how spirituality works in our lives, in such a way that we respect each other’s particular spiritual needs and beliefs.

• Conflict Intimacy – the ability to work through our differences in a fair way, and reach solutions that are broadly and mutually satisfactory, recognizing that perfect solutions are not part of human life.

• Work Intimacy – the ability to agree on ways to share the common loads of tasks in maintaining your home, incomes, and pursuing other mutually agreed goals.

• Parenting Intimacy – if you have children, developing shared ways of being supportive to each other while enabling our children to grow and become well adjusted, autonomous individuals.

• Crisis Intimacy – the ability to stand together in times of crisis and difficulty, both external and internal to our relationship and offer emotional support and understanding.

• Aesthetic Intimacy – being delighted in beauty, music, art, nature and a whole range of aesthetic experiences that each is willing and prepared to support the other’s enjoyment of different aesthetic pleasures.

• Play Intimacy – Having fun together, through recreation, relaxation, humor, and sharing interests.

The intention of the list is to help highlight the multiple possibilities and opportunities for exploring deeper intimacy in a variety of types of relationships. When we seek to make connection and intimacy more a part of our life and relationships, it is important to recognize that intimacy is relational. Consistently building and sharing intimacy is not something you can do on your own, the degrees of intimacy possible in a relationship are dependent on there being a shared commitment and shared interest. Negotiating and building intimacy in relationships is, therefore, reliant on a clear knowledge and awareness of our own and a partner’s preferences and a willingness to put time and energy into the relationship. However, this possibility starts with us and our own personal levels of emotional availability and capacity to be intimate and access deep feelings.

Building Healthy Relationships

In developing more clarity about cultivating forms of emotional intimacy and deeper connection in your life, one may want to consider:

What kind of relationship do you want?

What brings you closer to people, what pushes you away?

Are you aware of your friends or partner’s likes or dislikes, what builds connections in your relationship with them?

How close a relationship do you or they want?

What time and energy are you willing to put in to developing intimacy in this relationship?

How might you make them aware of your interest in building greater intimacy on a number of levels?

In posing these questions, it is recognized that there is no prescribed right way of being intimate in a relationship as one has to experience what feels aligned and loving for them. No two relationships are alike and are based on very unique arrangements, for a variety of reasons. They can be platonic, or lovers in same sex, opposite sex or transgender. Although what we have experienced in the past may guide us on things we can improve upon, our history does not dictate the future of our relationships, if we are willing to release fears and old patterns.

Becoming comfortable with intimacy is not easily worked out on our own. A variety of types of relationships can provide opportunities for learning, healing and emotional and spiritual growth for both or all parties involved. However, we can begin the process of working with building deeper intimacy within ourselves.

Building Intimacy Exercise

Building Intimacy Exercise with Oneself:

Find a mirror that you can see your whole face in. Prepare yourself by relaxing and taking a few deep breaths. Continue to breathe deeply throughout the exercise.

Now look into the eyes that you see in the mirror. Intend to take in this person you see, take in all parts of you. Pay attention to the detail and really hold presence with the one you see. Look as deeply as you can at the person you see in the mirror.

Can you give unconditional love and acceptance to this person? How does that feel?

Now shift perspective and see that other you in the mirror looking back at you. Try to breathe through resistance and allow yourself to be seen. Open up to those eyes looking at you and feel what this is like to be seen deeply.

Allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable, open, and fully present. Allow yourself to be embraced, accepted and be really loved. If it is difficult, if you feel tears or other emotions, stay with the process as long as you comfortably can. Remember to breath and stay present.

Now looking deeply at yourself, smile at the one you see in the mirror. Be open to receive the warmth, the glow from that smile. Feeling that deep smile, allow the feeling of connection and warmth all over your body. Say to this person, "I Love You." Allow these sensation to enter your heart. Now say I love you, and then say your name out loud to address the inner child. As you look deeply in the mirror, intent to talk to the inner child and tell the inner parts that you love and accept all of yourself.

Pause and absorb all that has happened. This is a big step in healing oneself of fears of intimacy.

No matter what conditions you may find yourself today, know that building emotional intimacy within yourself is the path to creating and building deeper connections and intimacy with others. Remember the path of spiritual ascension and expanding consciousness will introduce us to our spiritual soul and monadic mates, and this requires we learn how to experience deeper intimacy with ourselves. At the same time we must learn how to discern trustworthy persons with ethical behaviors to which we can build intimate relationships with. The Spiritual Ascension pathway is modeling the new relationship paradigm, one that is emotionally open, vulnerable, available, ethical, honest and intimate. It is time to clear fears of intimacy and be all you are!

Affirm: I AM willing to allow Others to Love me and be Close to Me! [1]


See Also

Emotional Competence

Healing our Heart